Khi cùng tử đến đây, mùa hạ chưa qua, mùa thu chưa đến. Lá trên cành còn xanh màu lộc biếc. Những cây tùng già cỗi được cắt xén bao lần, vẫn kiên trì chan nắng giữa công viên. Chiều bâng khuâng mây bạc ngủ trên ngàn. Đàn chim hiền hòa vỗ cánh băng qua phố. Nơi quán trọ, lữ khách hồn nhiên đưa mắt nhìn. Không nhà ai nhóm bếp bằng than củi, khói chiều không bay trời xứ lạ. Những con đường phố thị không một mẩu rác. Vội vàng bước qua những sân ga ngập dòng người. Người rất đông nhưng không ai nói một lời. Chỉ có âm thanh của bước chân, gõ loạn nhịp trên sàn đá hoa bóng lưỡn. Từng đoàn người đi qua. Từng đoàn xe đi qua. Mà thực ra không có đoàn nào cả. Tất cả đi qua bằng thân phận cô lẻ, riêng tư. Mỗi người ôm một giấc mơ thật lớn, và thật nhỏ. Bên trong giấc mơ — khi thức hay khi ngủ, là nơi cái tuyệt đối vô hình vô ảnh lúc ẩn lúc hiện, mà hầu như chẳng ai thèm quan tâm chú ý.

Mishima đã thấy gì nơi vẻ lộng lẫy một cách tĩnh lặng của Kim Các Tự (1); và Kawabata đã thấy gì nơi cái đẹp muôn thuở của Ngàn Cánh Hạc (2) qua vạt áo kimono của người con gái trang nghiêm pha trà, mà cả hai văn hào vĩ đại này lần lượt tự vẫn? Cùng tử trầm ngâm trước mộ văn hào. Phải chăng chỉ có thể đạt đến kỳ cùng lý tánh bằng cách tự hủy xác thân này? Phải chăng chỉ có thể chứng nghiệm được cái tuyệt đối qua khoảnh khắc mong manh huyền ảo giữa hai bờ tử-sinh? Phải chăng chú tiểu Mizoguchi (3) phải thiêu rụi toàn bộ Kim Các Tự mới thâm nhập được cảnh giới nội tại tuyệt mỹ?

Như Lô Sơn, Kim Các Tự cũng thế: đến rồi, thấy không gì lạ,

không gì ngoại lệ. Căn gác của một ngôi chùa dác vàng đứng bên hồ nước trong veo. Ngày soi óng ánh mặt trời, đêm dọi huyền hoặc trăng sao. Nghìn xưa nghìn sau có vẻ không khác gì. Nhưng kỳ thực thì Kim Các Tự đã bị đốt cháy bởi một chú tiểu, sáu năm trước khi Mishima cho xuất bản tiểu thuyết mang tên ngôi chùa này.

Hàng đoàn người từ nhiều phương xứ kéo về đây, nói cười, thay nhau tìm vị trí thích hợp để chụp hình với cái phông Kim Các Tự ở nhiều góc cạnh. Trong không khí náo động ồn ào của du khách thập phương, cùng tử đi quanh, lặng lẽ ngắm nhìn ngôi chùa vàng in bóng mặt hồ. Bất chợt trong nắng hạ lấp lánh và ngôi chùa rực rỡ phản chiếu trên mặt nước im, trình hiện một vầng trăng thu.

Osaka, Nhật bản, một ngày cuối hạ năm 2019

Vĩnh Hảo

www.vinhhao.info

_______________

(1) Yukio Mishima (1925 – 1970), nhà văn cận đại hàng đầu của Nhật bản; tác giả cuốn Kim Các Tự (nguyên bản tiếng Nhật năm 1956, An Tiêm xuất bản năm 1970, Đỗ Khánh Hoan - Nguyễn Tường Minh dịch từ bản tiếng Anh “The Temple of the Golden Pavillion,” do Ivan Morris dịch, Charles E. Turtle Co. xuất bản năm 1959). Mishima mổ bụng tự tử ngày 25 tháng 11 năm 1970.

(2) Thousand Cranes, bản dịch từ tiếng Nhật sang Anh ngữ của Edward G. Seidensticker, A Perigee Book xuất bản năm 1959. Văn hào Yasunari Kawabata (1899 – 1972) là nhà văn đầu tiên đem về giải Nobel Văn Chương cho Nhật bản vào năm 1968; tác giả của những tác phẩm nổi tiếng đã được dịch ra nhiều thứ tiếng; trong tiếng Việt là Ngàn Cánh Hạc, Xứ Tuyết, Cố Đô, Cái Hồ, Căn Nhà của Các Người Đẹp Đang Ngủ, Vũ Nữ Izu, Âm Thanh của Miền Núi, v.v… Kawabata tự vẫn bằng hơi gas vào ngày 16 tháng 4 năm 1972.

(3) Nhân vật chính, xưng

tôi, trong tiểu thuyết Kim Các Tự của Yukio Mishima.



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