Trong vai trò là cha mẹ, tôi đã khám phá ra rất nhiều điều thú vị về trẻ con. Nhưng có một điều nổi bật hơn hết: trẻ con và những lời phàn nàn luôn đi đôi với nhau. Từ ngày đứa bé được sinh ra, cất tiếng khóc và phàn nàn về những nhu cầu thuần túy, cho đến ngày nó trở thành một thiếu niên và than phiền là bộ âm thanh nghe nhạc của nó không được tốt... bạn có thể là chẳng bao giờ có được trở lại dù chỉ một ngày như trước đây, nghĩa là không có ít nhất đôi điều phàn nàn nào đó để giải quyết.

Có lần, có ai đó nói với tôi rằng, trẻ con và các thành viên khác trong gia đình sở dĩ phàn nàn quá nhiều là vì họ cảm thấy thoải mái nhất trong quan hệ với chúng ta. Khi nhớ lại nhận xét này, tôi thấy là đôi khi tôi ước ao sao cho gia đình tôi không quá thoải mái trong quan hệ với tôi. Tôi dám cá là cũng có những lần bạn cảm thấy như tôi vậy.

Tôi đã quan sát thấy hai khuynh hướng thường xuyên về những lời phàn nàn mà tôi nghĩ là có ích để chia sẻ cùng bạn. Thứ nhất, nghe những lời phàn nàn của người khác tạo ra cảm giác căng thẳng và dễ dàng tự mình sẽ có thái độ phàn nàn. Lấy ví dụ, nếu bên ngoài trời nóng bức, và bản thân tôi đã thấy khó chịu rồi. Giờ đây, một trong hai đứa bé bắt đầu phàn nàn là trời nóng đến thế nào và nó khát nước làm sao! Điều này nhắc tôi nhớ đến cảm giác khó chịu của mình, và ngay lập tức, tôi ước sao cho con bé thôi đừng gợi lên điều đó nữa. Nhưng trẻ con chỉ là trẻ con. Nó sẽ nói lại những điều đó một lần nữa, lần nữa và lần nữa. Không bao

lâu, tôi quá mệt mỏi với những lời phàn nàn của nó, và bắt đầu phàn nàn với vợ tôi: «Lũ trẻ bao giờ cũng phàn nàn về mọi chuyện.» Như thế, nhận xét đầu tiên của tôi là: những lời phàn nàn mang lại thêm những lời phàn nàn khác.

Điều nhận xét thứ hai là, chẳng bao giờ sự phản đối của tôi có thể ngăn được những lời phàn nàn. Trong thực tế, nó càng làm cho sự việc trở nên tồi tệ hơn. Nó tiếp sức cho những lời phàn nàn và nuôi dưỡng cái vòng luẩn quẩn của những lời phàn nàn đang có sẵn.
Trong những tháng gần đây, tôi đạt những tiến bộ lớn lao trong vấn đề này, và mọi việc trở nên dễ dàng hơn nhiều so với cả những gì mà tôi từng mơ tưởng. Thay vì phàn nàn về những lời phàn nàn, tôi đã quyết định làm hòa với việc lắng nghe những lời phàn nàn như là một thực tế tất nhiên trong cuộc sống. Và hoàn toàn thành thật mà nói, tôi đã khám phá ra một điều rất quan trọng: những lời phàn nàn đã ít hẳn đi một cách đáng kể. Chúng không còn hướng đến tôi quá nhiều và dường như không còn mấy điều để phải quan tâm đến. Việc tôi trở nên ít chú tâm vào những lời phàn nàn khiến cho lũ trẻ dường như ít hứng thú hơn trong việc đưa ra những lời phàn nàn. Như thế, lời khuyên của tôi rất đơn giản: Cho dù có thể là sẽ rất khó khăn trong bước đầu, và cho dù những lời bạn định phàn nàn có vẻ hợp lý đến đâu, hãy cố chặn đứng sự tham gia của bạn vào tiến trình này. Tôi đoán là, nếu bạn thôi không phàn nàn nữa, những lời phàn nàn mà bạn buộc lòng phải nghe sẽ dần dần biến mất. Xin chúc may mắn trong việc này,

nhưng cũng xin đừng phàn nàn nếu không thấy hiệu quả gì.


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