Thiện xảo là lành và khéo. Đạo Phật chú trọng đến những phương pháp lành và khéo để giúp cho con người thoát khỏi những sự khổ đau. Mỗi người có thể tùy theo căn cơ và mức độ tiến bộ về tâm linh của mình mà chọn lấy những phương thức thích hợp để sống an vui hạnh phúc nơi cõi đời này cũng như mãi mãi về sau. Các nghi thức tang lễ được áp dụng chung cho đa số Phật tử để giúp họ thích nghi dần với sự mất mát người thân yêu.

Nghi thức cầu siêu có thể được thay đổi đôi chút về thời gian cũng như cách thức cho phù hợp với sinh hoạt ngày nay. Trong vòng 49 ngày sau khi thân nhân qua đời, những người trong gia đình đến chùa vào ngày Chủ nhật hay ngày thường mỗi tuần một lần để làm lễ cầu siêu và tiến cúng người qua đời. Trước đây, những ngày lễ cúng được tính kể từ ngày người thân qua đời, cứ 7 ngày một lần, gọi là tuần thất.

Qua bảy lần cầu siêu chính thức ở chùa và thêm nhiều lần khác tự tổ chức ở nhà, những người trong gia đình đã có nhiều dịp để bày tỏ lòng thương yêu nhớ tiếc một cách công khai. Họ cũng cầu nguyện cho người quá vãng trở về thế giới an lành và hạnh phúc miên viễn nơi Tịnh độ. Qua những lần cầu nguyện ấy, nỗi khổ đau trong lòng họ vơi dần, giúp họ vượt qua giai đoạn khủng hoảng nguy hiểm ban đầu và tiến dần đến sự hồi phục đời sống bình thường.

Sau 49 ngày, gia đình không đến chùa làm lễ cầu siêu nhưng có thể để băng kinh cầu siêu phát ra lời tụng đọc của lễ cầu siêu trước đây và tiếp tục cầu nguyện cho thân nhân. Sau một trăm ngày kể từ ngày thân nhân qua đời, gia đình đến chùa xin quý

thầy làm lễ cầu siêu cho người thân đã qua đời.

Sau đó, mỗi năm đến ngày giỗ của người quá cố, gia đình lại làm lễ cầu siêu và cúng linh. Những dịp đó, mọi người lại có dịp bày tỏ lòng thương tiếc cùng nâng đỡ tinh thần nhau. Theo đạo Phật, tổ chức những buổi cầu siêu như thế cũng rất tốt cho người qua đời. Dù đã đầu thai và có đời sống khác, họ cũng nhận được năng lượng tốt lành của những lời cầu nguyện chân thành đó.

Phương tiện lành và khéo của cầu siêu và cúng hương linh người qua đời đã được thực hành từ hơn ngàn năm nay tại những nước theo đạo Phật. Giờ đây, giá trị tinh thần của những nghi lễ đó đã được khoa tâm lý học hiện đại xác nhận.

Nhiều người theo Tây học cho rằng cầu siêu và cúng linh như thế là mê tín, vì họ chưa hiểu được ý nghĩa sâu xa của tính cách chữa trị tâm lý cùng nâng đỡ tinh thần người sống trong giai đoạn khủng hoảng sau cái chết đột ngột của người thân.

Giáo sư Wolfelt của trường Đại học Y khoa Colorado nhấn mạnh, chính sự thiếu hiểu biết về sự cần thiết của việc bày tỏ lòng thương tiếc đã tạo ra rất nhiều nguy hiểm tinh thần cho những người còn sống. Sự thật là, nếu bỏ đi các nghi thức tế lễ, cúng kính trong tang lễ, người ta sẽ dễ có cảm giác sai lầm là làm đám tang cho chóng rồi quên đi. Giáo sư Wolfelt nói về thái độ này: “Khi có thân nhân qua đời, những người ấy nghĩ rằng cách hay nhất là làm đám tang cho xong và quên hẳn kẻ qua đời đi.” Đó là một sai lầm tai hại, một sự tin tưởng mù quáng (một kiểu mê tín) về sự lãng quên có thể xảy ra dễ dàng cũng như khả năng

xóa bỏ dễ dàng hình ảnh người thân của mình vừa mất trong tâm thức để khỏi khổ đau. Họ không biết rằng làm như thế là tạo ra những điều nguy hại cho đời sống tinh thần của mình cùng gia đình mình trong thời gian lâu dài.


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